im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
