so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
