i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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