TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
