Already got asked if we're dating
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
