Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
