I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Boobs are out for the taking
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
