He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
