Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
