I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
