last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
