Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
