Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
