oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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