My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
