Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
