Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
