She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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