If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
