Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
