I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
