I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
