I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
