Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
