Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
