Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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