I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
