they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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