life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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