I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
