Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
