he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
