I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My vagina is officially offended.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
