They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
