HIV tests are more positive than that guy
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Randomize
