well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
