just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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