fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
