Your tits are I can't wait for
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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