piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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