At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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