By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize