I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
