On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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