Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
