that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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