I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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