Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
