At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
