I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
