I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
