I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We had to coat check the pizza.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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