plz talk dirty to me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I didn't notice because vodka
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
