No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
